I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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