I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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