the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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