look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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