i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
