Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
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He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
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I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
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Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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