I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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