Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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