great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize