I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
