I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
