i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
