No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
