I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
