shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
