I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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