I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
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