Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
