Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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