She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
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then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
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I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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