If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
