i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
