eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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