so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
