So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
