I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
