There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
