He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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