I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
