you win again, gameday.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
