my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just high enough for therapy.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
