five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
