The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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