I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
