I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
