You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
