if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
