hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
