Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
