The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
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And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
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The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?