Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.