the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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