I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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