his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
