Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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