All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
