You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
