my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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