Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
