This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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