We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
