I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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