Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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