college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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