my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
