those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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