thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
