Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
