HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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