Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
