I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
