It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
