I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
