i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
