my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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