why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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