Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
