We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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