that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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