Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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