Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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