We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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