Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
