I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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