great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
