My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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