Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
