i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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