I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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