Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
