dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
