remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
