Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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