you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
