A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
