you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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