Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
