I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
