sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
