Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
