saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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