with your own penis?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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