I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
