Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
