you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
