I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
